According to reports1, multiple teams have been told they are no longer in the running for the newest Japanese Hero, Roki Sasaki. This is hardly surprising news, considering the prevailing belief from the start was that Roki would end up either in Los Angeles (not Anaheim) or San Diego.

Here at Sticky Substack on the Glove, we are here to break the mold from other online outlets. We are not going to waste your time by making random stabs at what we think will happen, or act like we know a single god damn thing more than you do. Instead, we are going to post. Most likely, the posting will be pointless, but where else are you going to find out which franchise The Internet™ thinks is going to finish 3rd in the Race for Roki?

I know what you’re thinking. “They never spend money, why would they start now?” “They haven’t even had an in-person meeting with Roki!” I don’t care, I will always dunk on the Mariners.

They’re not gonna finish 3rd.

[A WILD MYSTERY TEAM APPEARS]. Wouldn’t be that shocking, as we’ve already seen Japanese phenoms go to waste in Orange County.

Still in the running, allegedly. I think they either get Roki or they are eliminated shortly. I’m just impressed that they’re actually trying to improve the team this offseason.

You know what they say, “Marines don’t die, they go to hell and regroup or whatever.” Oorah Devil Dogs.

I think there’s a legitimate case that the Padres just don’t have the outlook that other teams possess, causing them to finish in the Rory position. However, this would mean Roki saying no to Yu.

With the type of money being thrown around in NIL these days, the path of least resistance to life-changing money might be as a backup QB in Columbus. Weather and quality of life appear to be the primary obstacle here.

If they haven’t been listed yet, you were so close. If they have been listed, I didn’t mean what I said, was meant to edit this.

Duh.2